All the bright places

 

Hello friend!

I will share with you today a diary entry from the diary of the unknown by yours truly.

41

05 April 2021

21:20

 

Am starting to believe that you can find the meaning of life in a book. I would like to believe it to be true because I think am starting to see much of it myself. When i heard from Maddy in Everything, everything. I somewhat wanted to disagree with her to some degree because I have read over a hundred books and have myself wondering at times to say, what Is life, why are we all here? Is death the beginning of life?

 

It's almost as if when you try to hold on to things, you lose them. They get away from you like I would like to put it. It's like you have to be attached and yet detached on the same time. If you hold on to things you can't get to feel other moments as they come because you will always be looking forward to a moment as exactly as the one you have ever experienced. You could be out on the sun chilling with some friends and then thinking about a moment in the past when you were there doing almost the exact thing but things weren't as they are now. I ask, can a moment last for ever? This, here now? Can I live it over and over again without ceasing?

 

Am reading this novel, all the bright places and I love it. Read it. There is a movie about it which I haven't seen yet but assure it, the book is a lot better than it. Am sure of it because the movie can lay out all the thoughts of the main characters and subs and tell us things that are thought by the character about places, about thoughts, about life, about death and dying.

 

Speaking of life and death. As am reading, there is this part where Theo decides to attend some meeting that has a bunch of people who have tried committing suicide and have survived and those who are thinking about it or are likely to commit suicide. It's called Life is life and I love how every person after talking about what's on their mind and are supposed to tell of what life is to them, they get to say something. Anything, even as simple a thing as life is laughter because what life is what keeps us alive. It is life and it is worth surviving. Being here for. To Theo, he was like life is Violet whom he decides to call Ultraviolet because to him, she is everything. She is life. She is the reason he finds himself at the support group called life is life miles away from his area so that he gets better and so that no one knows about what he is going through.

 

I kinda hate how his parents couldn’t see that something was wrong with him from the behavior though I also get that Theo hid what he was going through because from a young age, he was labeled freak, weirdo, the guy who gets angry, the crazy guy or the guy who does what he pleases and somehow it detached him from the real-world a and made him more comfortable in a world where he is and everything is peace. And bright and that is not here. A place we can only imagine. I imagine that if someone saw what he was going through earlier or told someone about him, he would definitely have been helped.

So yes, this book is about Theodore finch (whom some call Theodore Freak) and Violet . The two get to know of each other because one morning, violet wants to throw herself over a ledge and Theo finds her and gets her to safety. Of course, the story is spread in a different version, volet saves Theo who is trying to throw himself. It marks the beginning of change for the both of them.

 

I won't say everything. I think that’s what synopsis are for. Or book summaries. Am here only ranting about what I loved. So, this one time Theo and violet goes to this place. Abuilding like so that is covered in a chalkboard and all over it, someone wrote, before I die, I want to…

And people get to get a chalk and write whatever it is they want to do or become. I love this idea. How you make public and concrete the idea of what you want. It's like saying to yourself, I will do this or this is what I want. You get it so clear in mind that its almost so direct to do if you are willing to. So here are some of the things that Theo and Violet found;

      Before I die, I want to…have kids. Live in London. Own a pet giraffe. Skydive. Dive by zero. Play the piano. Speak French. Write a book. Travel to a different planet. Be a better dad than mine was. Feel good about myself. Go to New York City. Know equality. Live…

Theo wrote that before I die, I want to know a perfect day and meet the Boy Parade. But of course, I got myself questioning like himself, is there such a thing as a perfect day?

 

This whole part of reading about before I die, I want to… made me think about myself. What do I want to do before I die? I didn’t say much about it. When I was reading about life is life, I also asked myself what life is to me and the first thing that popped in my head was laughter. Life is laughter. And yet before today, I never really thought about it. And immediately after pointing out to myself that life is laughter, a picture came to me. Not of me, but my soul mate. The essence of his being make me believe truly that God does exist because I love how I am around him. How I want to live those moments forever. Forever.. And then came the thought of playing. I love to play. I always have and I still do. It brings a lot of laughter which happen to make me feel so alive. And well, I kept on thinking. Am thinking. What is life to me? What is life to you? Life is life. And then again, what do I want to do before I die. What do you want to do before you die?  You can leave in the comment section below, anything at all. Just start with, before I die I want to, and fill it with anything. Maybe part of you getting to do what you want to do is in declaring what it is and putting it die. I recommend writing it by hand somewhere just so it stays with you.

 

Here are a few sentences that I read and decided I liked

*the thing about being Awake is that everything in you is alive and aching and making up for lost time.

*A Chinese man died from lack of sleep when he stayed awake for eleven days straight as he attempted to watch every game in the European Championship (that’s soccer, for those, like me, who have no clue). On the eleventh night, he watched Italy beat Ireland 2-0, took a shower, and fell asleep around five a.m. And died. No offence to the dead, but soccer is a really stupid thing to stay awake for.

*when we are in the act of wandering, we need to be present, not watching it through a lens.

*he tells me his handwriting is like chicken scratch and it's up to me to keep the notes.

*I learned that there is good in this world, if you look hard enough for it. I learned that not everyone is disappointing, including me, and that a 1,257-foot bump in the ground can feel higher than a bell tower if you are standing next to the right person.

*it’s not your fault. And sorry wastes time. You have to live your life like you'll never be sorry. It's easier just to do the right thing from the start so there's nothing to apologize for.

*Stars in the sky, stars on the ground. It's hard to tell where the sky ends and the earth begins. I feel the need to say something grand and poetic, but the only thing I come up with is "it's lovely." He says. 'Lovely' is a lovely word that should be used more often.'

*lit. love. Life.

*But does forever have a built-in ending…?

*I think, I'm afraid of just be careful. I'm most afraid of the Long Drop. I'm most afraid of Asleep and impending, weightless doom. I'm most afraid of me.

*'Let us wander whirling to the gilt chairs… Are we not acceptable, moon? Are we not lovely sitting together here…?'

*Actually I am, which is part of the problem; we are all alone, trapped in these bodies and our own minds, and whatever company we have in this life is only fleeting and superficial…

*Sorry, Ultraviolet. I'm still feeling kind of under the weather. Which, when you think about it, is a very odd expression. One that finds its origins in the sea-as in a sailor or passenger feels seasick from the storm, and they send him below to get out of the bad weather.

*Anything. Positive ones go on the wall, negative on the floor over there…It's important to get those down, but they don't need to hang around after you do. Words can be bullies.

*'The cadence of suffering has begun.'-Cesare Pavese…I am in pieces…

*Germ-noun \'jarm\ the origin of something' a thing that may serve as the basis of further growth or development…germ is for everyone…

***

Of course am yet to finish reading the novel. Just a few more pages to go. I just so love it that I had to write something before I probably sleep and do so with unsaid thoughts.

Here is a little something I found myself thinking over today sometime, that I wrote

I was never yours even though you told me you wanted the old me back. She belonged to no one, belongs to no one but herself. I did what I wanted as I saw it fit.

And I guess I grew wings and flew away…

Love yourself in something. Anything. One thing.

...

There is an end to every beginning. Just like day ends with night and storm with calmness. This too will pass. And it will be like it was never there. Here. Wearing a mask feels like I have always done it. But not doing so is the way to go.

…

I am very, very tired. This post is to be continued